The Republican Party - Conquering Erectile Dysfunction once and for all!

By: Dan
Published On: 9/7/2005 1:00:00 AM

With all that has gone wrong since the Bush Administration took office, at least they can take pride in supporting the ingenuity of the private sector to help advance cures for impotence ("erectile dysfunction"), and other things that have absolutely  nothing to do with seriously improving public health.

Since Jerry Kilgore wants to model himself after George W. Bush, maybe he too can succeed, like President Bush, at helping his friends in the pharmaceutical industry to rid Virginia of non-fatal disorders like erectile dysfunction.  Maybe he can support a cure for warts, unsightly cellulite, or even acne!  If you look at his background and his policies, those modest goals might be about all Kilgore can realistically shoot for. 

Even though Kilgore reached the prestigious position of Attorney General in the great Commonwealth of Virginia, he is apparently unable to grasp the simple concept of how straightforward regulations can limit the spread of Methamphetamines.  In a state that was terrorized by snipers and attacked by terrorists, he values protecting the 2nd Amendment over putting more cops on the streets.  His only solution to illegal immigration is to interfere with local government programs that might provide a bit of shelter for illegal immigrants - (like illegal immigrants will be so bothered by the prospect of having to stand outside to find work, that they'll just give up and leave the country?)

Outside of his inability to fight crime, Jerry Kilgore is full of ideas that will move Virginia backwards.  He thinks electric utilities shouldn't have the burden of adding pollution controls.  He thinks low taxes for the wealthiest Virginian's are more important than a balanced budget.  He wants to improve education by using education money to pay for transportation projects.  This guy really needs a petty cure to pad his resume.  How about focusing on, say, head lice? 

Quite frankly, health care, employment, low energy costs, and capital improvements are more important than men (who can afford it) being able to perform sexually.  You'd think that with all these Republicans finally being able to have sex, they'd be in a better mood to help out the rest of us.  I know when I am lucky enough to get a jump, I feel like raising orphans or feeding the homeless for God's sakes. 

Maybe Jerry knows exactly what he is doing.  Maybe he is better off when his type of people are taken care of, and everybody else has to pay the bill.  Sure by the time Bush was in office, erectile dysfunction pharmaceuticals were already making a dent in the American market, while autism rates were skyrocketing and millions of people were losing their health care.  Despite these issues, the Republicans still thought the market was doing a fine job on its own providing a cure of impotence rather than a cure for cancer and AIDS. 

But maybe Republicans like George W. Bush and Jerry Kilgore don't have much they can shoot for, and maybe we should applaud them for even the minor accomplishments that occur during their time in office.  On the other hand, we could elect someone like Tim Kaine, who has the capability of doing all the things we really need to get done, and has been there helping  Mark Warner and the rest of us do just that for the past 4 years. 

Why not Tim Kaine, who has only the highest standards for our state and won't rest until we succeed at our objectives?  Why not Tim Kaine, who is fighting for good jobs and affordable health care for Virginians?  Why not?  I can't think of any reasons.  Maybe that's because I value the things that Kaine will achieve as governor over any minor accomplishment Jerry Kilgore might provide to make up for the poor ideas he has for everything else.


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