?Between stimulus and response is our greatest power - the freedom to choose? - Stephen Covey
My wife loves Vanity Fair magazine. I do too. I love the political commentary, in-depth reporting, cool photography, entertainment news. It's a great magazine.
I thought it would be a nice gift, so I got her a subscription for Christmas. That was fine. It was a big hit. I earned major brownie points with that one, let me tell you. The online magazine subscription service I bought it through had a bonus option: I could add on a one year subscription to GQ for $1.75.
No brainer; tack it on.
I've never read GQ. I always thought is was too swanky for me. I'm a steak and potatoes, jeans and khakis kinda guy. I'm not into men's fashion, but I thought there'd be some cool cars and maybe some interesting food stuff in there; maybe some good photos.
The magazine is no problem, but the ads really make me face my heterosexual homophobia head on.
For example, here I am this morning rifling through stories about New York shopping I'll never do, and fashion layouts for suits I'll never afford. I turn the page and I'm looking at what must be an ad for jeans, I think...
Basically, I'm looking at some guy's thighs with his jeans down around his calves. At the top of the page I can make out a speedo-encased bulge and at the side of the page I can just barely make out the curve of the knee of some other guy kneeling in front of him. I stifle the urge to cuss. I murmur "oh jeez".
In much the same way I fixate on the eyes or the teeth of a particularly buxom young lady with whom I might uncomfortably converse, I affably comment to myself, "nice sneakers".
So, why am I writing about this?
Well, I think it goes to a pretty important issue that faces Virginia right now and the nation as a whole. Each Virginian and each American male who comes face to face with this kind of stuff needs to determine for himself what to do about it.
There's a nationwide movement that is taking this kind of reaction to a pretty nasty level. George W. Bush is calling for a nationwide Amendment to the constitution to outlaw Marriage between same-sex partners. In Virginia this year there will be a referendum that will not only define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, but will effectively eliminate all contractual arrangements that can be construed as marriage-like between unmarried people. Married people have children, share benefits at work, visit each other in the hospital, leave each other their wealth when they die and a million other little things.
Look, I'm the first one to admit that, as a heterosexual male, when confronted with blatant homosexual sexuality it makes me uncomfortable. Still, it's no more uncomfortable than when I'm confronted with some sexy female.
You don't see me trying to wrap women in burkahs or trying to outlaw low-cut dresses.
Stephen Covey writes that between stimulus and response there is a sacred space. Between stimulus and response, there is a golden opportunity to insert such higher functions as wisdom, intelligence, will and sympathy; to make good choices.
When confronted with overt sexuality we have a choice. We can use it to create hate, reduce others to second-class citizens, or strip others of rights. Many in Virginia and across America today are making that choice.
There is another choice.
We can choose to transcend our lower nature. We can choose to go past our discomfort and recognize that every human being strives, lives, dies, suffers, loves and looses under God.
You have to make that choice yourself.
I simply choose to turn the page.