20 Things Republicans Believe

By: Lowell
Published On: 7/23/2005 1:00:00 AM

1) Government can manage nation building but not Amtrak.
2) You should be able to defend yourself with a gun but not a trial lawyer.
3) More destructive hurricanes are a sign we should ban gay marriage.
4) Government can't be trusted because corporations keep fleecing the Republican Congress.
5) Incompetent cronies are not a sign of incompetent leadership.
6) Government should never interfere with anything except a woman's right to choose and a person's right to die in peace.
7) All the corruption and waste in government has nothing to do with the corporations that get the contracts.
8) Spending more for "Less Government" will improve our response to catastrophes, our defense against terrorism and our enforcement of immigration laws.
9) Pork barrel spending is just good business.
10) Halliburton's no-bid contracts are consistent with a free market economy
11) Outsourcing jobs and off-shoring corporate profits are patriotic.
12) We can support our troops by slashing their pay and benefits.
13) Stem cell research, which could actually cure diseases, must be stopped, but drug companies that profit from selling drugs to people with diseases should get more corporate welfare.
14) Paying oil companies to drill for oil is good US energy policy but investing in alternative energy is Communism.
15) Ending slavery in the US was good but making hundreds of billions in profits from slave labor in other countries is great.
16) Corporations can be trusted to test their own products and to clean up their own pollution.
17) Illegal immigrants are bad but the corporations who hire them need more corporate welfare.
18) Welfare for people is "Communism" but welfare for corporations is "Capitalism."
19) Privatizing Social Security is more important than providing health care and education.
20) Jesus Christ is the greatest, except for everything He said.

Courtesy of Todd Smyth


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